Yesterday, one of my friends was upset due to the choices and decisions she had taken in the past. She is going through a bad phase. Over a call, we discussed if there was any point in feeling sad based on what has happened in the past. I told her that it is important to focus on the present and not grieve over what cannot be changed. And this was her response: I am a human, and it is natural to feel sad at times.
Unfortunately, this is the situation with most people. Humans beings often feel miserable about their circumstance and its very common to find people feeling sad and depressed. So, what can a person do to stop grieving and find a balance of mind in any situation they face?
I believe humans lack an understanding of themselves. People have done great discoveries in the field of science. But when it comes to understanding your own soul, very few have put their efforts in that direction. It is the lack of understanding of how the mind works, what is the reason for emotions, what does the soul want from this body, how does destiny and free will work, and so on.
But coming to grief, one needs to understand that your karmas are being played out. You enjoy the good karmas that you have done and suffer due to the negative ones. As long as duality is accepted (right and wrong, good and bad) and perceptions taken for reality, the good and bad karmas keep getting added to your karmic balance sheet. In the future, you suffer or enjoy the consequences. It turns out that acceptance is the best way to deal with any situation – whether it is good or bad. The moment you accept that the situation is not in your control, you will stop grieving about it and try to accept it positively. With acceptance, we generate the strength to endure the tough times.
It is rightly said: “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional”
People grieve in many situations – some caused by others and some caused by their own choices. Whether its a loss of loved ones, a physical or a mental setback, people grieve because they feel something has left them partially empty – a part of their life is taken away from them or there is a hole in their life. We need to realize that everyone is on their own journey and like in every journey, we meet co-passengers in the form of parents, brother, sister, aunts, uncle, friends, teachers, wife, children, all having their fixed destination. They will leave eventually towards their path. More importantly, we are complete in ourselves. There is no need to add the extra baggage of material things, money, possessions, loved ones and get attached with them. The detachment from everything will ultimately lead to a more meaningful life.
Grief starts with shock and denial and graduates through a journey of pain towards acceptance as well as reconstruction. Acceptance will reduce the eventual pain and its not tough to do that. You need to be consistently mindful of it. One needs to observe life like watching a movie. Every movie has an ending and it is already made. So is your life – just act out the role that you are supposed to.